Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
