Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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