You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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