Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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