Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
false alarm. still invincible.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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