I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
