Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
