Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
