The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
