I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
