You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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