2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i think my cat just said my name.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
