i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
