Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
