just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
