I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
