I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
