Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
