he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
