Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
