I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
