My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
