Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
