I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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