My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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