So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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