Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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