No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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