I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
