He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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