My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
