Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
