sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
