He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
