Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
