Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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