It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
