I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
