when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
