I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
