it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
