needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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