True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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