Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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