Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
