Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
