I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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