The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
