It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
