just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
