someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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