I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
