My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
