I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
